There is a saying here in New England, “I am the happiest clam on the beach”. I can say this today. It is the day before Thanksgiving. Oh boy, am I grateful. There were many lines I drew in the sand for when I would recover, making plans because by then certainly I would be okay. I planned to travel to a party in New York to see old friends from Horace Greeley High School in mid-July. I did not go. I thought I would surprise my dear friend, Nancy Bueti, a fabulous painter and go to a show she was having. Check out her work here, NancyBuetiArt.com enjoy. I am so happy for her success and her passion for her work. I wanted to see her standing in her own light. I did not. My brother was celebrating his 50th birthday, having a party at his home in LA. Certainly we would attend, it was in October for goodness sakes. We did now go. Now looking back these events that were looked forward to, seem like disappointments along the way. Sure I was disappointed, but life just steps in and says no. I was back in the hospital having my second hip revision. My hip revisions were like bookends, they framed, ‘the worst summer of my life’.
Well another line was drawn in the sand, I was going to be better by Thanksgiving, we made plans to drive down to Cape Cod and have dinner with our dear friends Joelle and Paul. We are going. I am following the rules and my heart and staying on track to wellness. I did not go crazy. There has been no unnecessary people pleasing. I picked up the deserts I ordered from the Pasty Box. It was actually fun, I am giving myself a break. The pies are gorgeous and the carrot cake is a jewel. I happily paid one of the lovely women that owns the bakery. I remembered when they opened, I wished them every success. They have arrived, their baked goods are beautifully executed and delicious, reasonably priced too. I could not resist I picked up some Hermits for my husband. They are a favorite of his, future lunchbox treats. It had started raining. I made my way home to prepare my nosh for before dinner, mentally pressing my easy button. I gave myself a break and I felt no guilt. I felt happy, well-being ahead.
I drove in the driveway and had a bit of a chuckle. There is a nor’easter bearing down on the east coast, from DC to Maine. My weather panic of a few days ago had evaporated. It had begun to sleet, sure to get messier before it would get better. I had finished what I needed to do, I was nearly ready to leave in the morning. We will have a bit of ice, but not much snow. The warm ocean temperature is what is preventing an accumulation of snow in our town. It was a relief. If I could sing I might belt out ‘Everything is Coming Up Roses’ . Paint Karen happy, you get the idea.
I am very focused on my gratitude book. I am truly grateful, more so since I am feeling better. My dark mood has lifted, I am sleeping, and I am quite sure that my iron levels are better as the mid-afternoon fatigue is gone. A few simple tweaks have added up and I just feel better. It is a relief. There is more work to do. I realized after my appointment with my therapist this week, there is so much to come to terms with. I look forward to the process. The journey continues. Today I am mostly grateful to be feeling better. My energy is increasing and my sense of humor is returning. I think my husband mirrors me and I can see myself through his eyes, if I care to look. I have begun to see myself when I look in the mirror. I hadn’t noticed that I wasn’t looking at myself until I saw myself. That may seem crazy, but it is just true. I smiled at myself in the mirror this morning, saying to myself, ‘it’s going to be a good day. It was unexpected and spontaneous. Fabulous.
i have written here previously that the woman I once no longer existed. I had no idea who I would be once the dust settled. Well, I am still in here bringing it all along with me. That girl did not disappear, she is in a process of acceptance, while she heals and really recovers. How delicious is this? I feel I am coming to terms with the truth. I thought what you go through is not as important as how you deal with it. I have discovered I was missing a step. I am coming to terms (acceptance) while carefully considering how I perceive what is happening, and striving to deal with grace and balance. I am not quite standing in my own light, but I know it is there. That is a remarkable improvement and I will stay the course. Today “I am the happiest clam on the beach”….
I wish you all a Thanksgiving Day where you simply feel the love, and let it in. I am humbled by my gratitude.
Always dazzle, Karen